“Courtesy is contagious. What we need is an epidemic.”
–Anonymous
Courtesy, “a polite, helpful, or considerate act or remark,” is more than contagious. It is dynamically powerful, and an epidemic of courtesy could change the world. We can all remember times when we were having an especially bad day which was made much brighter by a random act of courtesy from someone else. We all crave attention from others, and most of us are very sensitive to harsh comments from others. Thus, a kind remark, a compliment, or an expression of concern from a friend or acquaintance can sometimes almost work miracles when we are extremely down.
Some people just seem to be especially kind and courteous by their very nature. Whether they are up or down, they consistently treat others with respect and courtesy. Others seem to almost always be in a grumpy mood and rarely have a kind word for the people with whom they come in contact. How can people be so very different in their personalities? Are they born that way, or do they gradually become that way by choice?
Scientists have wrestled with this question throughout modern history. Both genetics and the environment in which we grow up play important roles in who we are, but it is not clear how much each of these factors contribute to our ultimate personalities. Some people seem to be more prone to anger and assertiveness than others by the very makeup of their genes. However, our home environment, especially during the first few years of life, can have an enormous impact on our personalities. Children who are raised in a secure environment where they receive lots of love and nurturing are likely to be very different from those who grow up in an environment of fear, anger and abuse.
But are these the only factors that determine what kind of people we are? Since we don’t have any control over our genetic background and not much over our childhood environment, it is not until we reach adulthood that we begin to have much control over our lives. So if we conclude that genetics and childhood environment are the sole determinants of what kind of people we become, we remove all responsibility for our actions from ourselves. I don’t think we have a right to do that.
As adults, we make many choices, and I think we can choose to be kind and courteous to others, or to be hostile. Some of us have an attitude problem which we can change if we want it to change, and if we work at changing it. I think we are behaving irresponsibly when we say that we are the way we are because of our genes and our backgrounds, and that people will have to take us just the way we are because we can’t change ourselves. We cannot change other people and other people cannot change us, but I firmly believe that we can change ourselves if we want to change, and if we work at bringing about that change.
Think about it.
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Copyright 2026
Allen W. Smith
