“Resentment or grudges do no harm to the person against whom you hold these feelings, but every day and every night of your life, they are eating at you.”
–Norman Vincent Peale
Norman Vincent Peale, the great advocate of positive thinking, helped many people, including me, to realize that negative thinking is a major source of pain and unhappiness. Resentment and holding grudges against others probably causes more pain to people than the actual injuries they suffer. No matter how much wrong has been perpetrated against us, the way we respond to mistreatment will play a greater role in determining how badly we are hurt than the mistreatment itself.
All of us are the victims of cruelty at times, and, when someone inflicts pain upon us, we have a right to be angry, but we must learn to manage that anger properly and constructively. Sometimes there are legal remedies or other avenues for seeking justice, but at other times there are no remedies for the injustices that are inflicted upon us. We don’t have to like what has been done to us, but we must accept it and get on with our lives. If we hold grudges for long periods of time, we will inflict a great deal of additional pain upon ourselves without doing any harm to the people who caused us the initial pain.
There are people who constantly carry grudges against everyone who has ever mistreated them. They are filled with resentment and hatred toward their “enemies” for as long as they live. This is a terrible waste of the precious gift of life that God has given us. I don’t believe anyone can carry grudges and be truly happy at the same time. I once knew an elderly man who carried nearly 80 years’ worth of unresolved, and unforgiven, grievances. As he sat in his chair, he would occasionally frown and say, “I feel like someone is about to do me dirty.” People like that are constantly obsessed with the notion that others are plotting to do them wrong. As a result, they live their lives in a constant state of negativity and never find happiness.
Self-inflicted pain makes no sense at all. With all the pain that is inflicted upon us by others, why in the world would we add to that pain? The real tragedy is that most people who are obsessed with grudges probably imagine that they are somehow getting even with their “enemies” when they think negative thoughts about them. The truth is, the only people we inflict pain on with our negative thoughts is ourselves and our loved ones, who want us to be happy.
We should try to rise above our petty grievances and do something positive for ourselves and others. Many unhappy people have been transformed into happy souls when they abandoned their negative thinking and focused on doing things that would help others find happiness. The people who find the greatest happiness for themselves are usually those selfless individuals who have a genuine desire to bring happiness to others and who give little thought to their own happiness. In the words of Sir James Barrie, “Those who bring sunshine to the lives of others, cannot keep it from themselves.”
Think about it.
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Copyright 2025
Allen W. Smith
