“If you haven’t any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble.”
–Bob Hope
Loving others and maintaining a spirit of goodwill toward our fellow citizens are essential ingredients for the proper functioning of society, and these traits also contribute to personal contentment. Most of us care, at least to some degree, about the well being and happiness of others, but some people seem to be almost totally wrapped up in themselves. We must love ourselves before we can love others, and our very survival requires us to look out for ourselves. But those who look out for themselves alone, and who are totally unable to care about the needs of others, are sick people. They are narcissists.
Narcissists spend all of their time and energy seeking to please themselves. They are so busy seeking love and attention from others that they have no love of their own to give. They value their public image to such a degree that they may express concern for others, or even appear to engage in acts of kindness, in order to impress those around them. But they never befriend others anonymously or take any action which will not in some way benefit themselves.
We all practice self-love to some degree, but most of us are able to go beyond pleasing ourselves and devote some of our time and energy to others. We care about the welfare and happiness of other people, and are willing to make some sacrifices for the benefit of others.
Narcissists, on the other hand, are unable, or unwilling, to make any sacrifices for others. On the contrary, they often abuse and exploit those people who are closest to them. Because of their strong desire to be loved and admired by the public, narcissists often appear to be some of the nicest people we could ever meet to those who know them only casually. But they often abuse, manipulate and exploit members of their own family in order to please themselves. Narcissistic parents may attempt to exert almost total psychological and/or physical control over their children to ensure that the children will serve their needs.
Fortunately, true narcissists are rare. Most of us are able and willing to give at least some love and attention to others. But some people give so much more of themselves than others. Some believe that their mission in life is to help others and reduce suffering in the world, and they devote much of their time to these causes. Such people seem to be some of the happiest people in the world. They have learned that when we give we also receive. In the words of Sir James Barrie, “Those who bring sunshine to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves.”
Think about it.
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Copyright 2025
Allen W. Smith
