Jillian Stotts is a 39-year-old mother of two from Winslow. She is a former business owner, a homeowner and an involved parent. She is a wife, a daughter and a sister, and she is also a recovering drug addict.
Jillian began using methamphetamine when she was just eight years old. “I was curious and I was nosy, and I wanted to see what my dad was always doing in his room. So, when he left, I went through his drawers and found his drugs.” Stotts ate the rock-like substance that she had found there. “I was totally disgusted with the taste, but I went out and played that day for hours. The feeling that I could run faster and hit the baseball harder took over. I remember feeling really confident and from that point forward, it was my go to.”
Stotts said she continued taking the drug from her father until she was 12 without him knowing. “Nobody told me that it was bad, no one told me that it was wrong,” she said, “It just wasn’t talked about. My mom didn’t know until I was almost 30 that I was an addict.” Not only did her mother not know, Stotts’ own husband was in the dark as well for the first eight years of their marriage.
At 12, Stotts recalled that she was offered her first ‘line’ of meth, which is one of the many methods for using the drug. It can be snorted, eaten, smoked or taken intravenously. “It was given to me by an adult whose children I was babysitting. We didn’t ask about what those adults were doing and no one talked to us about it.” Stotts acknowledged that her parents would not have wanted the life of a user for her. “When he (her father) did find out, it devastated him. But then of course he asked himself, ‘what did I expect?’ Stotts credits the lack of communication about addiction as part of the reason she used.
“If I would have known then what I know now, my life would have gone down a different path. Maybe I would have gone to college or dedicated my heart to what I do now, which is helping in my community. But I just kept using; it was just my normal. I think it is so important that we talk to our kids about the dangers of drugs, in real terms.”
Typically, users of methamphetamine, also known as meth, crystal meth, ice and many other street names, suffer from many physical side effects. It is a stimulant that is often mixed with other chemicals before getting in to the hands of users. According to the National Institute of Drug Abuse, users experience symptoms that include extreme weight loss, lack of sleep, facial acne or sores, rotted teeth, organ damage, blood pressure issues, and stroke. Psychological effects are numerous as well and can include paranoia, anxiety, confusion, memory loss and a host of others. It reacts to the dopamine receptors in the brain and gives users bursts of extreme energy.
Stotts explained that the image portrayed of addicts, especially those who use this specific drug is not what people saw in her. This made it easy to conceal her use. “I kept myself up really well. I slept every night and I ate every day.” She added, “Besides, I had a family to take care of and kids to be there for; I didn’t ever want to be that kind of meth addict.” Through the depths of Stotts’ addiction, she ran a successful business alongside her husband, she participated in her children’s lives and was involved in volunteering and even started the Parent/Teacher Organization in Winslow.
Not only did Stotts not “look” like an addict, but her family life was not one that stereotypically breeds drug addicts, at least not to the outside world. “Both my dad and my stepdad had great jobs and were well respected men in the community. My mom was a stay at home mom, who loved us and took care of us.”
However, Stotts biological father passed away at the age of 55 due to multiple health issues, including those exacerbated by his own meth use. “To watch your parent pretty much kill themselves in ways that you don’t ever dream of, or have any control over, is so hard. And then turning into them, is surreal. I didn’t even realize I was doing it.”
Stotts has two children, her oldest is 13 and her youngest recently turned 10. “I don’t want any of this for my own kids. I look at them now and remember that I was using when I was their age and it is heartbreaking. When you are using, you don’t realize how much you are taking from them and how much everyone around you is actually suffering because of it.”
Despite her addiction, Stotts said, “I never brought drugs in to my house, I never used around my kids because I didn’t want them to do exactly what I did when I was a kid.” At her worst, Stotts was spending about $90 a day on drugs. “I am not a thief, so I found myself in situations that I never would imagine putting myself in. But that is part of the high, too, the hustle for money and the adrenaline that goes with it. I can’t be that selfish anymore.”
Her turning point was on June 20, 2017, when she was in a terrible car accident. “I was headed west on I-40 toward Meteor Crater and I have a bit of a heavy foot. I passed a pickup truck at about 90 miles an hour. I was following a van too closely and swerved to miss a tire tread on the highway. I missed it, but I spun around and was facing the truck I just passed. I looked that guy in the face. Instead of hitting the truck head on, I turned my wheel and flipped the car twice.”
Stotts was taken by ambulance to Flagstaff Medical Center with a broken shoulder and collarbone. Department of Public Safety Officers questioned her immediately following the accident and took a blood test to determine impairment. She was eventually charged with possession of dangerous drugs and driving while under the influence of drugs. “I knew I was going to have to face my addiction. I feel in my heart that my dad was with me that day and trying to wake me up.”
Stotts has over 100 days clean and sober, and is still fighting each day. “I am pretty lucky that I don’t have any health issues. Meth does so much to your body. But I am also lucky that I have been given this second chance. I don’t know how to be sober, I don’t know how to feel all of these feelings and face reality. It is scary. But I am finally in control of my reality. I know I have the fight in me and I really look forward to fixing my relationships and I am going to get well. This is my chance.”
For those who struggle with addiction and are looking for support Narcotics Anonymous meetings are held at 7 p.m. on Friday nights at St. Paul Episcopal Church, located at 600 W. Henderson St. in Winslow; from 7 to 8 p.m. on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Sundays at the Bread of Life Mission, located at 885 E. Hermosa Drive in Holbrook; and at 6 p.m. on Wednesdays and Fridays at Our Lady of the Snow Catholic Church, located at 1655 S. Main St., in Snowflake. The Addiction Recovery Program is held at 7 p.m. at the LDS Seminary Building, located at 128 S. Third St., in Snowflake.
